Breaking New! Bedsheets can be scary.

Breaking news! – Apparently, bedsheets can be scary. So too can quilt covers as I find every time I change the bed – it’s a fine art alright!!

Breaking news! – Apparently, bedsheets can be scary. So too can quilt covers as I find every time I change the bed – it’s a fine art alright!!

This week there is unrest on the dark side of the Moon. John Revolting, the Moon Oracle has just beamed down the latest ‘Moon news updates’ to Earth via the flower antennas on the top of the Karillapig’s head. It turns out there are reports that Earth beings are about to land on the Moon thanks to Artemis 1 (whatever that is), and this particular snippet has caused Moon critters back on the dark side of the Moon to enter into something of a lather!

FYI – when a Moon critter from the dark side of the Moon enters into a lather, it is quite literally that – the panic that bubbles up inside a Moon critter manifests itself as such and begins to ‘spout’ from every available orifice. It’s not a particularly pretty sight let me tell you. Currently, the dark side of the Moon is awash with bubbles. Speech bubbles, burp bubbles, and giant trump bubbles are all that can be seen – basically, it is a huge, bubbly mass of chaos.

As much as that sounds like fun, apparently, it’s not. Just ask the ‘Bum-fall-off-asourus’ who’s bum falls off every time he sticks his finger in his belly button.  The Bum-fall-off-asourus’ bum is currently missing in action, which is proving to be inconvenient, not least because the Bum-fall-off-asourus was enjoying wearing his favourite under-pants.

Panic on the Moon

Anyway, that’s not important right now. What is important is the latest capers that our audacious trio of the Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog, and Moofus McRadling have been up to.

The Karillapig has been made aware of something here on Earth called Halloween. Now, Halloween to you and me might be fun. We get to dress up in scary outfits and scare the ‘doo-doo’ out of everyone, whilst being rewarded with sweet treats for our efforts. In my case, I get to have a day without make up – but that’s irrelevant.  Forget I said that last bit…

As per usual, the Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog, and Moofus McRadling have misunderstood a little. They are on extra guard as they prepare to be confronted by real-life spooks. It was this believe that led to the latest caper, and that also saw another dent in Derek Bumblebottom’s pride.

The caper in question occurred the other day as the Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog, and Moofus McRadling had snook into the Bumblebottom’s residence to ‘nick’ a few of Doreen Bumblebottom’s stash of crochet squares – remember, crochet squares are considered a delicacy on the dark side of the Moon.

It was relatively early in the morning. Doreen Bumblebottom had just hung out the washing, and Derek Bumblebottom was busying himself in the garden. As it was early in the morning, Doreen Bumblebottom had yet to put in her teeth, which were currently sitting in a glass in the kitchen. Also, as it was early in the morning, sneaking around the Bumblebottom’s residence for our intrepid trio was easier than it would be later in the day.

After having successfully snaffled a few of Doreen Bumblebottom’s crochet squares, the Karillapig was leading the way, closely followed by the Hippobuffafrog, and then Moofus McRadling. As our plucky Moon critter heroes have learnt from previous investigations, the importance of

  1. Remaining invisible, 2. Keeping as quiet as possible, and 3. Wearing comfortable underwear can never be underestimated.

Points 1 and 2 in this instance were particularly important, so, the Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog, and Moofus McRadling were being as careful as possible not to draw attention to their presence.

*This had not escaped the attention of the furry thing with the pointy ears who was purring in a corner, watching them intently.

Slowly, and as stealth like as Moon critters from the dark side of the Moon can be, the Karillapig led the way into the kitchen, taking extra care to tip-toe as much as possible.

*The furry thing with the pointy ears was fascinated!

Furry thing with the pointy ears

 

As the Karillapig, closely followed by the Hippobuffafrog, also closely followed by Moofus McRadling slowly tip toed their way towards to square, flappy, doodah on the Bumblebottom’s back door, through which they would make their escape to the safety of the washing-up bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden, the Karillapig was confronted by a sight he likely will never forget.

From the corner of his eye, the Karillapig noticed a great menacing smile beaming down at him from a container in the Bumblebottom’s kitchen.

Now, to you and me, this great menacing smile beaming down at the Karillapig from a container in the Bumblebottom’s kitchen was nothing more than Doreen Bumblebottom’s set of false teeth sitting in a glass, but the thing to consider is this:

On the dark side of the Moon, many decades ago, there was a frightening discovery made by a Moon critter known as ‘Leonard’. To be fair, Leonard could at times be a bit of a nincompoop. Nincompoopery was a particular skill possessed by Leonard. For example, once Leonard mistook the word ‘Flower’ for ‘Flour’, and during the Moon’s great cake-baking competition, accidentally added a flower named ‘Dragon’s mouth’ to his creation instead of actual flour.  This wouldn’t have been so bad, but there was a Moon Dragon on the judging panel who took particular offence at the thought of one of his own being used as ingredients – this didn’t end well, but I won’t go into that.

Anyway, back to the discovery made by Leonard. Leonard once accidentally unearthed a secret vault underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the Moon’s surface and woke up a particularly troublesome Moon critter known as ‘Smirking Dirk’.  Smirking Dirk was basically just a huge mouth shaped in a smirk and had been locked up underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the Moon’s surface for a reason – and that reason was that his menacing smile caused hypnosis, which caused the great plague where Moon critters were acting like chickens when prompted by sounds such as bicycle bells. This also didn’t end well, but I won’t go into that either.

Smirking Dirk

So, considering all of that, it was understandable when the Karillapig saw Doreen Bumblebottom’s false teeth and mistook them for the arrival of Smirking Dirk on Earth.

With a panic, the Karillapig went into a ‘right flap’, as in turn did the Hippobuffafrog, and Moofus McRadling.

*The furry thing with the pointy ears thought this was hilarious!

With a scurry, and in somewhat of a squash, the Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog, and Moofus McRadling flapped and panicked their way through the square, flappy, doodah on the Bumblebottom’s back door straight out into the garden – and straight into Doreen Bumblebottom’s washing line.

In a jumble of chaos and mayhem, the Karillapig became entwined in a bed sheet, the Hippobuffafrog became entwined in a pillowcase, and Moofus McRadling became entwined in Doreen Bumblebottom’s bloomers.

From his shed in the garden, Derek Bumblebottom caught sight of the bed sheet, the pillowcase and Doreen Bumblebottom’s bloomers running around the garden. In his confusion, Derek Bumblebottom believed the bed sheet, the pillowcase and Doreen Bumblebottom’s bloomers to be possessed by the ghosts of Halloween, and also went into a ‘right flap’ or tizzy to you and me.

*The furry thing with the pointy ears thought this was a great game, and promptly began to chase the bed sheet, the pillowcase, and Doreen Bumblebottom’s dancing bloomers.

Bedsheets and bloomers

During the chase, as our dynamic Moon heroes panicked and became confused, it was Derek Bumblebottom’s head where the furry thing with the pointy ears landed – complete with pointy claws, Yowzers!  It turns out Derek’s head doesn’t make a very good pin cushion!  Ouch!!

Such was Derek Bumblebottom’s flap, as well as now having the furry thing with the pointy ears firmly stuck on his head, he stepped backwards, put his foot in his favourite bucket and went head over wellies, ending up head-first in the compost heap.

Derek in a heap

In a cruel twist of fate, what Derek Bumblebottom could never have anticipated was that the furry thing with the pointy ears had been using the compost heap as a litter tray.  I won’t mention what Derek Bumblebottom landed in, but it’s safe to say it wasn’t just potato peelings, grass cuttings, old apples, nettles, and bramble leaves.

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As it’s Halloween, Derek Bumblebottom, whilst looking very grumpy, is fitting in quite well as he is currently swathed in bandages and plasters.  If it wasn’t for the fact that he was currently sat in the dark in an attempt to hide from trick-or-treaters, said trick-or-treaters would have been alarmed at the very sight!

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The Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog, and Moofus McRadling have pledged never to speak of this incident again – as has Derek Bumblebottom after his visit to the doctors for a tetanus injection in his bottom. I, however, haven’t – hence my ground-breaking journalism in this report!

To this day, Derek Bumblebottom cannot look at the washing line without feelings of foreboding!

Well, yowzers!  That was quite an update, wasn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a brew – so the kettle’s on and I’m around!…

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