Well howdy, doodi to ya’all…
This week, our roving reporter Gavman Art has been out and about and has discovered some ground-breaking news. David Attenborough will be furious!
The Tail of Dogs
Once upon a time – well it must start somehow….
Let me ask you a question. Have you ever wondered why dogs sniff each other’s bums? Well sit back and let me enlighten you.
Where was I? Oh, that’s right – Once upon a time The Council of Dogs held a meeting. It was during this meeting that a party to celebrate how wonderful they all were was arranged.
The venue was chosen, and the invites were sent out. It was agreed that the venue had to be big so all the dogs could come. To make the venue even more special, thousands of streetlights were installed so the dogs could have a proper booze-up.
Now having a booze-up is all well and good but fans would have to be installed to waft away the dreadful smell. Another issues was – oh how to put this delicately – erm, the issues was poo!
As you may or may not be aware, dogs like to poo. Lots!
So, The Council of Dogs held a meeting to discuss how to deal with these issues. Then another meeting to discuss which biscuits to have at the meeting, and then a meeting to discuss how to stop the doo-doo hitting the fan so to speak.
Now dogs can be clever, but they’re not always smart. The Council of Dogs decided that, in order to address the rather delicate ‘poo’ issue, that all dogs attending the party would have to take their bum off on entry and hang it up. The dogs would be given a ticket to claim their bum back when leaving. Simple.
And so, it came to pass that The Council of Dogs threw this massive party and all the dogs obediently took off their bums and left them hung up.
The party was a huge success with yapping and barking everywhere and lots of wet streetlights. One unforeseen event that occurred was nobody had thought about where all the liquid would go (pee on the streetlights), so it pooled, ran, gathered and loads of other adjectives until the streetlights began to corrode.
As you may or may not know, when something corrodes, and especially when that something involved electrical wires, problems can occur.
Suddenly, the lights began to flicker and then one by one, they all started blowing out.
BANG, BANG, BANG. you get the drift.
Well it turns out dogs don’t do particularly well in circumstances where there is loads of bangs banging and stuff. Panic ensued and began growing like wildfire. All the dogs were scrambling for the door to get to safety.
But wait – what about the bums?
The question was how to get the bums back without going to all the hassle of finding your ticket, showing it to the bum keeper etc. etc. So, all the dogs just grabbed a bum that looked like theirs.
The dogs all went home vowing never to speak of this again. But a problem had occurred. Most of the dogs had the wrong bum.
Animal experts will never tell you this, but you know when you see a dog chasing its tail? Well its because the dog is trying to get a good look at its bum to check its really theirs. Not every dog can see its own tail, so therefore when dogs meet other dogs, they do the ‘bum sniffing’ thing – they’re simply trying to track down their own bum.
So now you know.
Gavman Art, (genius and all-round superhero).