Moofus-Mc-Radling is the top pancake mix specialist on the Moon. Moon Critters everywhere flock to sample his special mix. It is believed that a special ingredient is added giving Moon Critters special powers which enable them to put their underwear on the right way round, rather than back to front or inside out.
This is false advertising. Moofus-Mc-Radling doesn’t add a secret ingredient – he just says that.
Moofus-Mc-Radling used to be a bar of chocolate, and first shot to Moon fame for the numerous awards he won for yodelling with custard filled britches. This skill far surpasses that of ‘Captain Gob Wash’ who mastered the unique skill of creating tartan paint. The problem with the tartan paint was that it didn’t sell very well as at the time all the Moon Critters had gone off for a long stand.
Moofus-Mc-Radling is the Moon Critter you would go to if you were having trouble with your pancake mix (if of course you were a Moon Critter – which I’m sure you’re not). There was once an outbreak of ‘stuck-on-the-ceiling-itus’ where Moon Critters were having trouble flipping their pancakes because their pancake mix wasn’t the right consistency. Moon Critters were in counselling for months.
Moofus-Mc-Radling is of interest to us this week. Moofus-Mc-Radling has gone off on an expedition through the secret door underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the Moons surface as discovered by the Cheese Miners.
The secret door leads to a labyrinth of tunnels that all go upwards. There are many other doors along the corridors, though all are not obvious doors. For example, there is a coffee table which is actually a door, there is a shopping trolley rescued from the canal, which is actually a door, and unexpectedly there is a door – which is a door. The door that is actually a door regularly goes unused. This is a shame because behind this door is the answer to all questions. Questions such as “have you ever really seen somebody fall on a banana skin?” or “Do Earth Chickens get fed up of being asked why?”
Through the door that is disguised as a coffee table, there is an escalator that never works. A lot like the ones found on Earth, especially the ones going up-wards in airports and train stations where Earth Critters are likely to have heavy bags with them.
It is through the door that is disguised as a coffee table that Moofus-Mc-Radling has popped through. What Moofus-Mc-Radling couldn’t have known is this: the escalator that never works has some how managed to tune itself into the washing-up-bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden where the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog and dwelling whilst on Earth.
The last time we checked up on the Karillapig, there had been an incident involving baked beans, unnecessary gas and Derek Bumblebottom’s underpants. After spending some quality time chilling in the washing-up-bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden, so you can imagine their surprise when, following a static charged kind of poof, no other than Moofus-Mc-Radling should appear before them. To be fair, Moofus-Mc-Radling was just as surprised.
It turns out that the escalator through the door disguised as a coffee table was so tuned into the washing-up-bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden that a kind of port hole had developed. What neither the Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog or Moofus-Mc-Radling understood was that secretly, the escalator had been dreaming of joining his fellow Moon Critters on their Earthly investigations, and so had been hatching a plan.
The Hippobuffafrog has taken charge today. The Karillapig and Moofus-Mc-Radling are too busy exchanging stories on their favourite way to wear tank tops. The Hippobuffafrog has decided a consultation with the Arrogant Horse is in order, so off he will pop..
The Arrogant Horse is in a bit of a sulk. The Arrogant Horse is in a sulk because he feels it’s been far to long since his opinion was required. As far as the Arrogant Horse is concerned, in his opinion, his opinion is the only opinion worth having an opinion about because frankly, everyone else’s opinion is, in his opinion, just plain daft. But that’s his opinion.
After making the Hippobuffafrog wait, the Arrogant Horse now offers his opinion. The Arrogant Horse has been considering the plight of the Karillapig, the Hippobuffafrog and now Moofus-Mc-Radling, and believes he may have the answer as to how Earth Critters claim to have achieved space travel.
Derek Bumblebottom has been spotted on several occasions using a strange contraption to pedal about. This contraption is different to other contraptions Earth Critters use to pedal about because it folds in half. This must be something to do with space travel – the folding must be to ensure the vessel, along with the rider, are able to fit through tiny holes in space and time. The ability to fit through tiny holes in space and time speeds up arrival times when planet hopping and is favoured by the ‘Itchy-bum-Critters’ who live around the corner from the Milky Way.
On listening to this fascinating theory, the Hippobuffafrog dashed back off to the washing-up-bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden to share. And then to plan. And then to wait for Derek to get on his folding peddling contraption (his bike to you and I)….
They’re in luck. Derek is doing just that. As Moofus-Mc-Radling is the newest Moon Critter in the group, it is decided that he will engage invisibility and go first.
Moofus-Mc-Radling is on the bike with Derek. Moofus-Mc-Radling is keen to prove himself, so as soon as Derek begins to pedal, Moofus-Mc-Radling unhinges the catch that enables the peddling contraption (bike to you and I) to fold up.
Chaos ensues. As usual.
The following scene may be distressing. The following scene may also be funny. Funny is what the following scene was to some builders working in Derek Bumblebottom’s street.
The following scene goes like this:
Derek is pedalling away. Derek is on his way to the allotment. Derek is beginning to question his sanity. Derek is sure there is something in his house – only the other week there was an incident with his underpants. Luckily for Derek, Doreen was away that weekend, so his dignity is still intact.
Derek is mumbling to himself about how he will have to get to the bottom on the under-crackers fiasco when suddenly his bike starts to bend. Derek is sure he caught sight of something small sporting a tartan hat, but he can’t be sure.
As Derek struggles to recover the bike from the on-going fold, the skip in front on him has gone unnoticed… there is a crash. There is a bang. There is a lot of choice language. There is a lot of laughter from the builders.
Derek is waist deep in the skip surrounded by bike and other general junk. It is at this point Moofus-Mc-Radling decides to scarper off back to the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog to update them – it turns out this contraption isn’t a vessel to aid space travel after all.
Not to worry – there’s plenty more investigating to be done…
So, this week I leave you on the edge of your seats yet again as we eagerly await the next thrilling instalment of the Karillapig’s adventures on Earth.
Just so you know, when I reported this, my furry companion with the pointy ears is sat watching me. He is the boss.
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