It’s been a funny old week. After catching up on ‘goings-on’ on the moon, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog have returned to Earth. To be more specific, to the washing-up bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden.
The catch-up on the moon was certainly interesting, what with the discovery of a secret door underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the moon’s surface leading to a labyrinth of tunnels that go upwards, with those tunnels leading to secret rooms, then the ‘Lesser-spotted-doofer’ creating a song and dance over ‘Nomis the frog/dog creature and his appetite for destruction in the sewing of too many buttons onto cardigans, the on-going A.R.S.C the moon union meeting, and also the arrival of the strange Earth Probe whatsit, all in all it was a busy day.
The arrival of the strange Earth Probe whatsit only highlighted to the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog their reasons for coming to Earth in the first place, which was to try to find out how Earth beings claimed to have visited the moon many – ahem – moons ago.
The journey back from the Moon into the Bumblebottom’s back garden wasn’t quite as seamless as planned. The idea was to arrive back to the washing-up bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s back garden, possibly have a quick snack on some crochet squares, and then carry on investigating. However, a slight miscalculation must have occurred…
With a ‘pouf’ (invisibility engaged) the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog landed slap-bang in the middle of a prize cabbage plot on the allotment over t’fence. Now there are two curious shaped dents and several very flat cabbages. The allotment mafia are in uproar. Everybody and his dog have been summoned to the ‘shed’ for emergency talks.
*Everybody, by the way, is the name of the allotment caretaker. Everybody’s dog can sense the presence of the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog. Everybody’s dog is about to cock his leg. The Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog decide this is a good time to scarper.
Once over the fence and back to the relative safety of the washing-up bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog decide on a plan. The plan consists of having a crafty snooze in the washing-up bowl before feasting on newly made crochet squares – and then an amble.
*Neither the Karillapig nor the Hippobuffafrog are entirely sure what an amble is, but they have heard the phrase, and are desperate to try one….an amble that is.
Snoozing is essential for the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog. Remember they have just travelled to and from the Moon, and while their method of travelling is a lot faster than ours here on Earth (it takes the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog approximately 9 Moon minutes, which by coincidence are equivalent to roughly 9 Earth minutes if you’re wearing a Moon watch to make the journey from the Moon to Earth whereas on Earth it can take hours to travel what should take 10 minutes if it’s rush hour – just saying), each journey leaves them a little tired and confused. It was this confusion that led both the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog to miss the curious bat who appears to have appeared in a nearby shrubbery.
Since first arriving on Earth, note has been taken by the Karillapig of Doreen Bumblebottom regularly making offerings to a large green thing on wheels which sits at the top of the garden. The brain the Karillapig keeps in his purse informs him that this green thing on wheels must be some kind of god. There are other gods around him, a blue one and a grey one. They must be lesser gods because it’s the green thing on wheels who is offered the most. Doreen Bumblebottom makes offerings of ‘stuff’ at least once every day. Packets of stuff, tins of stuff, bottles of stuff. General stuff each and every day is thrown into to the mouth of the green thing on wheels.
The Karillapig is telling the Hippobuffafrog about this ‘green thing on wheels with the big mouth god thing’. So impressed is the Hippobuffafrog with this that he decides he will nick the flat thing Derek Bumblebottom wears on his head, and offer that to the green god thing on wheels. That should earn points and help in their Earthly investigations surely?
*over the past week or so, because the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog have been busy, what with Lewis Clough’s space station and then the trip back to the Moon, Doreen Bumblebottom’s stash of crochet squares has built up. This is great news for the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog who fully intend to stock-up on this delicacy. Great news for the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog. Not such great news for Doreen Bumblebottom who will become confused as to how her crochet squares are once again disappearing.
The Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog returned to the Bumblebottom’s residence via the square hole/flap/port-hole on the back door. The furry thing with the pointy ears has clocked them. The furry thing with the pointy ears is familiar now with the Karillapig, but not yet sure of the Hippobuffafrog. That said, the furry thing with the pointy ears must approve because, with a cough, he presents the Hippobuffafrog with a hair-ball. Nice.
Before resuming investigations, the Hippobuffafrog nicks a few crochet squares and makes a quick dash outside where he promptly chucks the crochet squares into the mouth of the green thing on wheels. To be honest, the Hippobuffafrog expected a better response. The green thing on wheels hasn’t reacted at all to this offering. Oh well, not to worry, next time the Hippobuffafrog will bring something else from the Bumblebottom’s residence instead – remember? The flat thing that Derek Bumblebottom wears on his head. It’s a plan.
Back inside the Bumblebottom’s residence, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog are currently engaged in a conversation with a milk bottle. The milk bottle bears a startling resemblance to the Polly-lop man on the moon who helps Moon critters cross the road. The Polly-lop man is the go-to moon critter should you need new spurs for your boots.
Here on Earth, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog are getting no sense from the milk bottle, who appears to be indifferent. He must be on his break. All they want is advice on space travel for Earth critters, but not to worry, they can come back later…
Hang on a minute, what’s that sound?
The sound is a ‘bonging’ sound, and seems to be coming from the hall-way. Right ‘o’ then, a new investigation is underway…
‘Well if I won’t go to the foot of my stairs’ is an ancient moon saying, and basically means, ‘Well I’ll be darned, is that a vessel used for space travel I see?’
“Well if I won’t go to the foot of my stairs” exclaim both the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog in unison (in Moon gibberish – obviously), “Is that a vessel used for space travel I see?”
You know it actually could be this time. This vessel looks rather like the ones used by the devious Slava-dons, best known for their crafty take-over of the fashion police around Neptune where they infiltrated the system, thus making Neptuniums believe that wearing socks with sandals (on their hands) was acceptable. It is widely believed among space critters everywhere that the Slava-dons have done the same on Earth, explaining why some Earth critters wear their kecks too low and show too much of their under grundies.
The vessel in question is a tall rectangular shape. It looks a lot like it is made from wood, this is because it is made from wood, but I’m not going to be the one who points that out… The tall wooden rectangular thing has a glass panel on the front, a face with hands on the top, and inside the glass panel is a long metal thing swinging from side to side. This metal thing swinging from side to side is making a ticking noise.
Well now it’s obvious. It is perfectly clear to the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog that this ticking sound is a count down. The Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog don’t need the milk bottle to confirm this. This calls for swift action, so it’s into the tall ticky thing they must go.
*The furry thing with the pointy ears is watching intently.
Once inside the tall ticky thing, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog decide to climb up the metal thing that’s swinging from side to side and making the ticking noise. The problem with climbing up the metal thing that’s swinging from side to side and making the ticking noise is that it’s rather slippery. A tighter grip is required here. As the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog tighten their grip, the metal ticky thing starts to tick faster.
*The furry thing with the pointy ears is fascinated.
Any minute now the vessel will take off. The ticking is getting faster…
Any minute now…
Hang on. This could be it.
Hang on… what’s that noise? This is a new noise, and sounds like ‘bonging’ ‘bo..ong…ing’ ‘bo..o..ong…ing’.
The vessel must be about to take off now. Oh but wait, there’s that ‘bonging’ again, but this time it’s accompanied by a ‘ding’ and a rather off-pitch ‘dong’. Now a spring has sprung from the dial on the front of the vessel. Now another spring has sprung. Yowzers, now another spring has sprung. ‘Cobbledidog’ springs and springing all over the shop.
*The furry thing with the pointy ears has nicked one of the springs and is batting it around the floor.
All this commotion, what with the boings and the springs springing has caused Derek Bumblebottom to get out of his chair. Not a lot gets Derek Bumblebottom out of his chair, like that time Doreen Bumblebottom got stuck under the ‘hood’ hairdryer whilst having a blue rinse, she was gone for two days, yet Derek still didn’t leave his chair. Now Derek has left his chair and is surveying the mayhem that is boingy, springy things all over the floor. Derek grunts for Doreen, then shuffles back to this chair – there’s only so much excitement one person can take.
Well that particular voyage through space wasn’t quite what the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog were expecting.
It looks like Doreen Bumblebottom is offering all the boingy, springy things to the green god thing on wheels in the garden. The Hippobuffafrog decides now would be a good time to nick the flat thing Derek Bumblebottom wears on his head, and offer that up too, so he scarpers to where Derek is now making a snoring sound in his chair, and fast as lightning, swipes the flat thing from his head.
Derek is awakened just long enough to witness his most prized possession vanishing through the door. But imagine what Derek Bumblebottom actually saw – remember the Hippobuffafrog is invisible to most people, so all he actually saw was his cap flying across the floor and through the door. Derek Bumblebottom thinks he’s dreaming – so goes back to sleep. Derek Bumblebottom will be in for a shock.
The Hippobuffafrog takes the flat thing Derek wears on his head, and chucks it in the green god thing on wheels. The green god thing on wheels doesn’t seem to care. Next time, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog will need to find something better to offer up…..
Phew – that was quite a catch up. The Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog are feeling jiggered, so decide to pop off back to the washing-up bowl at the bottom of the garden. The curious bat in the shrubbery has an eye on them.
Join me next time when we hear Moon reports on the evil Flapperbillers snoop through the secret door underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the Moon’s surface, how the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog are going on with Earthly investigations, and how A.R.S.C the Moon Union are getting on with their ever-lasting meetings.
..And remember kids, the world is made up of electrons, neurons and morons…. Be open minded, but make sure your brain doesn’t fall out. Sitting on the fence will only give you a numb bum!
More sound advice from me, Michelle Graham.
Michelle Graham……drinking too much coffee, but what the hell…