Well we’ve all been there – it’s an age old story and a mistake anyone could make:
First your minding your own business, bumbling along on the moon as you do, next thing you hear reports of Earth critters claiming to have landed on the dark side of the moon which triggers the meeting of all meetings to be held by A.R.S.C the moon union…
Yes, your involved in the meetings but are fed up of waiting, so what do you do? What would any self-respecting moon critter do? That’s right, you decide to pop off down to Earth without telling anybody to investigate on your own.
Whilst on Earth you discover you’re not the only Moon critter here, so you team up. Fairly soon your antics have become knowledge on the moon without you realizing it.
It could happen to anybody so let’s not judge.
What’s happening here? You may recall from previous reports that the Karillapig has snuck down to Earth to investigate how Earth beings claim to have travelled to the moon. The Karillapig has been living in a washing-up bowl at the bottom the Bumblebottom’s garden, that he has discovered neither a washing machine nor a golf trolley are space ships, that fish may just be members of parliament, and Christmas tree decorations are not edible. Add to that his reunion with his old moon mate the Hippobuffafrog, his recent visit Lewis Clough’s space station and his appetite for crochet squares and you’re pretty much up to date.
Actually a lot has happened in the past week. Since returning to the washing-up bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog have received word from John Revolting the moon oracle of a strange object Earth beings are referring to as a ‘probe’ landing on the dark side of the moon. A.R.S.C the moon union have gone into meltdown – this means only one thing – more meetings are scheduled, with meetings about what those meetings will be discussing currently being discussed. The other meetings about meetings which were planned have had to be rescheduled – with a meeting planned to decide on new dates.
With this breaking news, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog both decide now would be a good time to pop back to the moon to have a little catch up on what’s been going on.
Remember there are only three days on the moon, and they are all at night. The day the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog decided to pop back to the moon was a Moronsmidday. This is a good day on the moon. As luck would have it, because of the arrival of the ‘Earth Probe thingy’ attention has been taken away from a discovery made by the cheese miners.
*You may or may not know this, but most moon critters are employed as cheese miners.
One of the workers has found a secret door, but hasn’t bothered to tell the ‘snake in the grass’ boss. The secret door is just underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the Moons surface and leads to a labyrinth of tunnels, with each tunnel leading to different rooms. The Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog are able to check this out because most of the nosey neighbours who work for ‘The Moon News’ are elsewhere reporting on the ‘Earth Probe’. Bonus.
The secret door underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the Moons surface is able to disguise itself to avoid unnecessary moon critters passing through. Today the secret door underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the Moons surface is disguised as a piece of machinery used by the workers. This is why the ‘snake in the grass’ boss, and the management team haven’t noticed it. To get through the door you need to knock three times with your feet whilst making sure the string on your mittens is uneven, thus making one mitten go to the top of your sleeve whilst the other one drags on the floor. Easy as chips.
Once through the secret door, the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog head down a tunnel that goes upwards. The first door in the upwards tunnel is shiny and red. The door handle is red, as is the door frame. There is a large sign on the door with red writing on it reading:
“The Blue Room”
Inside ‘The Blue Room’ everything is green, except for the things that are yellow, but because of the light in the room, the yellow things look green. So everything is green.
Slap-bang in the middle of the room is a rocking chair. Apparently some years ago, this rocking chair was beamed up from Earth by the intrepid explored who went by the name of ‘Mushy Kindles’. Mushy was famed for his observations of other planets, and after having heard rumblings of Earth beings arguing over ‘who gets the ‘rocking chair’ as it’s more fun than an arm chair’, assumed the ‘rocking-chair’ to be an almighty god.
Now the Blue Room is a shrine where the descendants of Mushy Kindles, known simply as the descendants of Mushy Kindles come to worship the mighty rocking chair and offer gifts. So far the rocking chair has not commented.
Further down the tunnel that goes upwards are many more rooms, but as the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog are only returning to the Moon for one day before Earth investigations resume, a further visit will be necessary…. The Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog need to catch up on other moonly goings-on’s.., catching up on moonly goings-on’s includes learning that:
- The frog/dog moon critter named Nomis who once caused havoc by sewing more buttons on cardigans than there were button-holes has been up to his old tricks. So much so that a warrant has been put out for his immediate arrest. Many moon critters have been late for important appointments because too much time has been taken trying to button up cardigans, with the extra buttons causing unrest and a lot of confusion. The lesser spotted doofer is quoted in the ‘Daily Moon’ as saying:
“Nomis thinks this is funny but let me tell you, when you have the body the length of submarine, buttoning up cardigans is no mean feat! It’s not enough that I have four feet and I’ve lost one of my shoes – have you tried hopping on three feet??? No, well you won’t understand then. I can’t stand here talking to reporters when my cardigan isn’t buttoned up properly, and now my muffins have burnt… if I had blood it would be boiling…”
*fyi. The lesser spotted doofer tends to over react.
- The evil Flapperbillers have been eating rather more spinach of late. This is having a knock on effect of flustering the moon dentists who have to remove the spinach from the mouth of the evil Flapperbillers who have more than 200 teeth. A spokes-critter for the moon dentists declined to comment, instead choosing to dribble and mutter to himself whilst facing the corner and considering his actions.
- The Lamp-Dwellers are not really doing much but for dwelling under lamps. Basically they can’t be bothered.
- A.R.S.C the moon union are still holding a meeting. When the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog popped their heads in there was a lull in the proceedings as Kired was being outwitted by a revolving door.
Life on the Moon is often full and varied as you can see.
Moronsmidday is almost over, and so it is time for the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog to clear off back to Earth to continue investigations. The discovery of the Earth ‘Probey’ thing has intensified the need to find out how Earth beings are able to travel through space…..
Join me next week to find out how the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog get on when they return the washing-up bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden, and find out how the Evil Flapperbillar goes on when he stumbles upon the secret door underneath the layer of cheese that makes up the surface of the Moon.
I know what you’re thinking, not only are you wondering whether the shop is still open, your also considering how you will contain yourself as you wait for the next ‘edge-of-your-seat’ instalment… In the meantime, remember – s/he who laughs last only just got the joke…
Michelle Graham (writer, daydreamer and shoe collector).
I get it now…. Hahahahaha