Back in the day, A.R.S.C the moon union had to turn some of the stars off around the moon on account of the fact that the moon brontosauri kept eating them while they were sailing in the moon galleons.
In the last nail-biting instalment of the Karillapig’s adventures on Earth, you may remember the Karillapig thinking he may have found the vessel used to carry Earth Critters to the moon. The vessel was a large tubey thing with long metal things sticking out of the top, and the long metal things have clubby things on the end of them… to you and I this is a golf trolley with golf clubs poking out, but to the Karillapig, this looks a lot like a particular vessel favoured by the Horanglibongs when planet hopping…..
f.y.i. Horanglibongs live on the circle around Venus– they often need to planet-hop to find super-markets which stock the delicacy that is toe-nail bread. Most of the super-markets on the circle around Venus stopped stocking toe-nail bread because the delivery drivers kept falling off the circle, thus causing atmospheric disturbance, thus causing Horace-Maurice the Florist to drop his daffodils, thus causing the ‘Great Venus Daffodil Shortage’ – but that’s another story……just saying…
The Karillapig, you may remember, decided to investigate. This was when things took an unexpected turn. On pushing the long metal things which the Karillapig assumes to be leavers, bedlam erupts.
This isn’t going to plan.
There’s a rumbling sound and a lot of scuffling. The metal sticks have become unbalanced and round white things are rolling around all over the shop. The owners of the checked trousers are well-vexed.
Cobbledidog! These round white things look far too much like dragons’ eggs, and as every self-respecting moon-critter would tell you, dragon’s eggs are to be avoided at all costs. Hang on though, there’s more scuffling – what this?…
The Karillapig recognises an invisible lump. Now you may be wondering how the Karillapig can see a lump if it’s invisible – well he can when it’s one of his old mates – and this is when the Karillapig found out that he wasn’t the only moon-critter to sneak down to Earth whilst A.R.S.C the moon union were having their ever-lasting meeting….. This is fantastic news for the Karillapig.
The moon-critter I’m referring to is the one and only Hippobuffafrog.
The Hippobuffafrog is distinguishable by his body – his body is a massive pom-pom. His tail is a striped stick, a lot like a candy stick here on earth, the main difference being the Hippobuffafrog’s tail also doubles up as an umbrella, and when the need arises, also as a propeller. The Hippobuffafrog also benefits from the advantage of invisibility – though he must be careful not to eat too many jigsaw pieces or he will give off a scent similar to custard – the scent of custard is not so much of an issue until you need to be invisible – apparently. The Hippobuffafrog, like the Karillapig, has been living off crochet squares and other wool garments whilst here on Earth.
The Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog are united in the feeling that they must scarper right quick. It’s not particularly the owners of the checked trousers that are causing panic – the white round things that are rolling around look far too much like the dreaded dragons’ eggs to the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog.
*On the moon, dragons’ eggs can be a hazard. Moon dragons tend to be a bit of a menace when they first hatch before they perfect their fire breathing skills. Once a dragon egg hatched too close to the Hippobuffafrog, and when the newly hatched dragon burped, a tiny fire ball threatened to engulf the pom-pom shop where the Hippobuffafrog buys his attire – so the Hippobuffafrog had to summon up a water cloud by singing the birdie song in e-flat…. Imagine that!
Anyway, back to the
The Karillapig is chuffed to bits to see the Hippobuffafrog. The Karillapig is insisting the Hippobuffafrog comes to stay with him in his washing up bowl at the bottom of the Bumblebottom’s garden. The washing up bowl is so much like a moon crater back home (apart from the shape, size, texture and now the smell – and the random leaves that keep blowing in – and the snail…).
Whilst the Hippobuffafrog thinks this is a nice offer, he has a better one. The Hippobuffafrog may have actually found a real-life space station. The real-life space station that the Hippobuffafrog thinks he has found is in the bedroom of a very clever and incredibly handsome young man named Lewis Clough. There is even a washing-up bowl in the back garden, though this one is square…
The Hippobuffafrog has been living there since a strange elf appeared. This elf apparently is a bit of a trouble maker – the Hippobuffafrog observes him each night as he sneaks around Lewis Clough’s house causing mischief. The little guy also tried to nick the Hippobuffafrog’s wool (he was saving that for snacking on later….).
Last night the Hippobuffafrog tricked the elf into thinking the fairies were having a party in the toilet roll – and now the elf if trapped there. That’ll show him. The Hippobuffafrog needs the elf to clear off a bit so he can investigate Lewis Clough’s space station.
Now the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog beam themselves together to Lewis Clough’s space station. Because there are now two of them, the usual method of travel (slippers-up-the-nose) is slightly different. They both still have to shove their slippers up their noses and hop up and down on the spot ten times, but instead of chanting the name of their destination backwards, they need to sing the Macarena…. So, this is what they do….
Imagine my voice is all Christmassy and stuff….
“and so it comes to pass that the bedroom of Lewis Clough will become home for Christmas for the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog. Much investigating will be done, and much wool will be eaten. The elf will be observed, as will the swimmy things in the tank in the corner”.
Tune in next week to find out how the Karillapig and the Hippobuffafrog go on in Lewis Clough’s space station. Find out how the super-human that is Lewis saves Christmas from that elf and discover what’s actually in the port-hole – hell it’s almost as gripping as a real soap opera – you know, the one where no-one ever goes out of town, and everybody lives and works in the same street, nobody actually owns a car, and they all end up married to the same person at some point…. You know the one.
It’s got late early tonight – I’m off for a kip me!
Michelle Graham – yeah you know me.