To continue on from ‘being sick on my slippers’…..
If you remember, (and I know you will after being on the edge of your seats all week), the Karillapig has been sick on his slippers after tucking into Doreen Bumblebottom’s crochet square.
So now for the latest instalment of the saga that is the Karillapig and his Earthly investigations………
Scrumfity-doo-dah-lizaton is an ancient moon term for being ‘up-the-creek without a paddle’.
Up-the-creek without a paddle is pretty much how the Karillapig now feels because he’s been sick on his slippers. The Karillapig can’t travel until his slippers are clean. Let’s face it, nobody wants sick on their slippers before putting said slippers up their nose, moon critter or not.
The Karillapig has consulted his other brain. The brain he keeps in his purse. Yes …. that brain.
It’s a good brain actually and is largely responsible for pointing out alternatives to common sense. The brain the Karillapig keeps in his purse was the one who suggested stuffing moon pillows with unicorn droppings to aid better sleep.
Stuffing moon pillows with unicorn droppings didn’t aid better sleep as it happened, it did however have the unfortunate side effect of encouraging pixies to pee in the fridge. I won’t go into too much detail because the Karillapig has gone to great lengths to cover this up. The last thing the Karillapig wants is the nosey neighbours from ‘The Moon News’ reporting on this.
The Karillapig has a reputation to protect.
The brain in his purse has suggested that the Karillapig search the Bumblebottom residence to look for evidence. Evidence of travel to the moon.
The Karillapig has learnt Earth beings don’t use the ‘slippers up the nose’ mode of travel (idiots). What he can’t figure is what was used – this is what he intends to find out.
There’s a flapping noise. The furry thing with the pointy ears has appeared through the square flappy doo dah on the Bumblebottom’s door. The furry thing with the pointy ears see’s the Karillapig. The furry thing with the pointy ears likes the Karillapig. The Karillapig finds himself being presented with something….. Something also furry with round ears and a long tail. Apparently this is called a moose. (The brain in the purse told the Karillapig this is a moose). The Karillapig cannot see how the furry thing with the pointy ears could fit a moose in its mouth.
Moose (dictionary definition) – a larger deer with palmate antlers and a growth of skin hanging from the neck, native to northern Eurasia and northern North America.
Hang on… back up a bit…
The moose is a mouse. M.O.U.S.E. A mouse. This makes better sense.
The mouse has run under a cupboard. Great news for the mouse, not such great news for the Bumblebottom’s….. Wait a minute, what’s this next to the cupboard? There’s some kind of contraption – the Karillapig thinks he’s onto something.
The contraption is a chunky metal oblongly thing with a round port-hole. This looks a lot like the vessels once used by the Anorak beings famed for bog-hopping just round the corner from Mars.
These chunky metal oblongly things with the port-holes were the vessels that developed a leak due to problems with lobblegobs. Lobblegobs are Mars termites, and caused the great ‘Sock-fallen-down-in-your-boots’ travesty. Thousands of Mars critters suffered with their socks falling down into their boots as a result.
This travesty far surpassed the previous menace which was caused by the ‘Phantom Wedgie Giver’. The Phantom Wedgie giver was somewhat warped as a direct result of spending to many hours listening to Marilyn Banilows greatest hit sang by Humplebert Ingleding.
The Karillapig knows he must tread carefully, but it’s worth the risk. This metal oblongly thing with the port hole must be the vessel. There’s even a drawer on the front, presumable to keep extra stashes of treacle cheese in? Obviously.
The Karillapig jumps through the round port hole on the front of the metal oblongly thing. There are no buttons in the port hole chamber, just lots of holes. Not to worry, the flower shaped antenna on the top of the Karillapig’s head make it possible for him to psychically operate vessels like this. Particularly handy in the past when Kired’s ‘yes-critters’ hid buttons in the hat of the feared ‘Shackle Dackle’ to keep members of A.R.S.C the moon union from thinking for themselves.
*Psychic rays are beamed from the flower antennas on the head of the Karillapig directly to the holes in the chamber…..
Something is happening. This is good. This must mean the vessel is operational.
This is good.
Five Earth minutes pass…
This is not so good.
Actually this really is not so good.
Water has begun pouring through the holes in the vessel. Now the vessel is turning. Now bubbles are appearing. Holy Cobbledidog, now the vessel is spinning.
This is not good at all.
The Karillapig is spinning inside the metal oblongly thingy with the port hole on the front. The Karillapig has been showered, shampooed and rinsed, and has now been spat out onto the floor.
This is not good.
The Karillapig’s fur is drenched. The Karillapig is a soggy mess and as all moon critters know, being a soggy mess is not good. Being a soggy mess leaves the Karillapig at risk of sticking to windows, and as every moon critter knows, sticking to windows attracts rays from Uranus – nobody want’s rays from Uranus!
The Karillapig has a reputation to protect.
Well if your nails are not bitten down to a stub with the tension, then I’ll go to the foot of my stairs!
As you eagerly await the next instalment remember, never play leapfrog with a unicorn!